


The one who got away (might still be there)

by MadamZinica



Series: Blizzard [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Blizzards & Snowstorms, Drinking & Talking, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Hurts So Good, Idiots in Love, Kinda?, Kissing, Locked In, Love Poems, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:35:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27570886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadamZinica/pseuds/MadamZinica
Summary: Seungmin is stuck with his ex-boyfriend in a cabin because of a blizzard, during the anniversary of their break-up. Luckily, there's an unopened bottle of champange in his bag and a lot of feelings to unpack.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Series: Blizzard [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2019392
Comments: 4
Kudos: 70





	The one who got away (might still be there)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer  
> This story is a work of fiction, none of the things written here are truthful nor imply than this is the reality of the people it was based on. If any of them displayed discomfort over this type of fics, they would all be taken down immediately. Please be respectful towards the idols and respectful of their boundaries :)
> 
> Hey  
> Writing this was tough.  
> This will be part of a series, the minsung and chanlix sequels are coming (they will all have a similar plot).  
> Please comment what you think about the story when you finish reading! I love to hear from you <3  
> Hope you like it!

Seungmin was aware it was stupid, hiking in a mountain while it snowed. He had known and hadn't care, as one often does when life has lost all semblance of a meaning. College was hard, he got fired and his neighbour fucks his boyfriend at three a.m. every night, knowing full well that the walls are paper-thin. So there he was, walking up the trail, with a bottle of champagne and a notebook full of shitty love poems in his backpack, thinking that the possibility of dying of hypothermia seemed promising enough. What was he trying to do? Reciting the love prose he could never read aloud and drink champagne to forget?

What meant to be a cathartic experience, became hell when the snow fell harder and faster until it became a full-blown blizzard. And now that hypothermia was a real threat, it did not feel promising. At all. So he run faster, fell on his ass a couple times and got up quickly before he became covered in snow, and went against the unforgiving wind until he spotted shelter. A cabin, from his standpoint, looking just like a dark dot sorrounded by white. He sighed with relief and hurried until he reached it. There was snow covering the wooden door and he had to push it with all the strength he could muster for it to open. He jumped inside and tried to push it close, a task made hard by the snow that had slipped in.

"Minnie?" A voice exclaimed with surprised.

Seungmin turned around to face the man who had broken his heart exactly two years ago, shivering in a corner with only a thin blanket to protect him from the cold.

_Hyunjin._

"Fuck, no." Was all Seungmin could muster before trying to get out.

"What are you doing?!" Hyunjin scrambled to his feet before standing by the door, staring at Seungmin who was walking away, in the middle of the biggest snowstorm he had ever witnessed. "Get back here! You'll freeze to death." Seungmin turned around to glare at him.

"I'd rather die that be stuck with you! Stop pretending to care about what happens to me." Seungmin said. Hyunjin's expresion fell. He took a step forward in the snow. "What are you doing?! Get back inside!" Hyunjin kept walking towards Seungmin.

"I'll only get back if you come with me." Hyunjin said and stretched his palm.

"Fine." Seungmin muttered and slapped his hand away, heading inside the cabin. Hyunjin followed.

They sat a few feet apart. Seungmin sighed at all the nervous glances Hyunjin directed his way.

"I won't do anything to you." Seungmin looked at him, he _really_ looked at him for the first time in their reunion. Hyunjin's hair was long, almost grazing his shoulders, and was dyed a nice shade of blond. His lips were almost purple and turned into a cute pout. He realized how pale the boy looked. "How long have you been here?"

"A couple hours, I think."

"A couple _hours?_ " Seungmin frowned, the blizzard had only started a few minutes ago.

"The signs that a blizzard was coming started when I had already reached the peak. I'm a metherology student y'know." Hyunjin said. "When I was walking down, I saw this little cabin and thought it was probably the best if I stayed here before the snow started getting heavier."

Seungmin sighed. Hyunjin's lips were purple for fucks sake.

"Come here." Seungmin said and put his arm up. Hyunjin's opened his eyes comically wide at the implications of his words. "We need to preserve body heat. Don't think anything weird."

The way in which Hyunjin's arms enveloped him sweetly and his cheek rested on his shoulder reminded Seungmin how perfectly slotted their limbs used to be, as if they were just one organism. It was a painful reminder of what he didn't have anymore. He felt like crying.

"What do you have in your bag?" Hyunjin asked.

"Champagne, a journal and some snacks." Seungmin answered. Hyunjin's stomach rumbled. "You can have some." He grabbed his backpack and took out some chocolates and the champagne bottle. Hyunjin snorted.

"Where you supossed to meet someone up the mountain?" Hyunjin asked.

"No."

Hyunjin popped a chocolate into his mouth.

"These seem like very romantic snacks to bring to a hike." Hyunjin commented.

"Maybe it was a date with myself."

"Sorry to ruin your date." Hyunjin said playfully.

Seungmin opened the champagne bottle and gulped down on it as if it was water. Hyunjin looked up through his thick lashes and directly into his eyes, still as hauntingly beautiful as the last time he had seen him. He felt warmth spreading through his stomach and he didn't know if it was the alcohol or Hyunjin's gaze the one who caused it.

"I missed you." Hyunjin whispered and nuzzled his neck, sending shivers down his spine. Seungmin pushed him away.

"We are not doing this." Seungmin said and Hyunjin had the nerve to look _hurt_ at his words.

"Do you hate me that much?" Hyunjin asked dejectedly, staring at him like a kicked puppy and Seungmin laughed bitterly. He took a swing of the champagne.

"You broke my heart, Hyunjin! _You_ left _me_. You _left_. You said you'd never leave me. And the worst part? You didn't even say goodbye. After all the time we shared together, you dissaperared. I spent a whole year thinking you would walk through the door and tell me it was all a bad joke." Seungmin was full on crying, his eyes swollen pink and his nostrils filled with snot. "And you come here? How dare you? Telling me that you missed me." Seungmin snorted. "Even now, you keep breaking my heart, Hyunjin." Seungmin avoided looking at Hyunjin's direction.

Hyunjin started sobbing and Seungmin could sense the blanket moving. Hyunjin had covered his face with the dusty material and was wheezing in that way so annoyingly dramatic but genuinely vulnerable only Hyunjin could pull off.

Seungmin didn't know what to do, so he kept drinking.

"I wish I could say your misfortune is my happiness but I can't bear to hear you cry." Seungmin sighed. "Why are you even crying? You left me, remember?"

Hyunjin kept crying. Seungmin remembered all the times he had sung old love songs and had to stop mid-sentence to cry.

"After you left, I started singing a lot." Seungmin closed his eyes and started humming a melody, catching Hyunjin's attention, who finally stopped sobbing and dropped the blanket, covering their legs. " _Heartaches, heartaches. My loving you meant only heartaches_..." There was no pain in the song anymore, regardless of how he had used it exclusively to let his sorrows flow out of his body. " _Your kiss was such a sacred thing to me. I can't believe it's just a burning memory_." He could feel the warmth of Hyunjin's body as he inched closer, but not close enough that their skins touched.

"Your singing always put me at ease back then." Hyunjin sighed with new found peace. "I thought I'd never hear you up close ever again."

"Me neither." Seungmin agreed. "Me neither. You could have been dead for all I knew." He sighed. "But then I asked Jeongin if he had any idea what you were up to, and he said you were still going to class. And I was, for once, certain about something: you hadn't left this world, you had just left me. Somehow, that was more painful, knowing I was the thing that was left behind." Seungmin confessed.

An awkward silence made itself present.

"Can I have some champagne?" Hyunjin asked.

"Yeah, here." Seungmin passed him the bottle.

Hyunjin's lips almost brushed the mouth of the bottle. With the tiniest voice, he murmured something.

"What?"

"Can you finish the song? Please?" He requested. Seungmin didn't reply, he just sang again.

" _Heartaches, heartaches_." Seungmin noticed that now Hyunjin's eyes were closed shut as he chugged down champagne, adam's apple popping mercelessly. Seungmin wanted to kiss it. " _What does it matter how my heart breaks?_ " He closed his eyes and Hyunjin embraced him delicately. " _I should be happy with someone new. But my heart aches for you_." He opened his eyes as Hyunjin lips pressed against his and, for a moment, he let himself enjoy the proximity. The plush blueish pillows of the one he loved so dearly, giving him the intimacy he craved so intensely. He buried his hands in Hyunjin's soft hair and let his mouth reclaim what was once his. Big hands of skillful long fingers were wraped tightly around his back, a desperate desire making itself known.

Until it ended, as all good things did, and they were back at being ex's.

"What do we do now?" Hyunjin asked.

"I don't know." They couldn't see each other, too afraid of what locking gazes might unravel.

Hyunjin drank a bit more.

"Why did _you_ come here?" Seungmin wondered. Meeting him there was too much of a coincidence.

"We promised we would go up a mountain together someday. But you were always busy, so we never did."

"Why now?"

"I came before, if that's what you were asking. Last year, same day. And the year before that too." Seungmin was shocked, two years ago, that meant...

"You mean that when you left, this is where you were?" Something was falling into place.

"Yeah, it's probably why you couldn't contact me for a while." He took another swing.

"I thought you just blocked me."

"I did, after I came down. Coming here was a cleansing experience. I realized that I couldn't stay with you as we were so, in a moment of clarity, I ended it all." Hyunjin explained. "I didn't think I would regret it this much." He added timidly.

Seungmin took out the journal he had filled with cheesy poetry every sleepless night, trying to entertain himself with anything besides the boy next to him.

"What's that?" Hyunjin dared to ask as he inspected with interest the object in Seungmin's hands.

"My journal."

"You're going to write _now?_ " Hyunjin exclaimed with disbelief.

"I was going to read some of my poetry but, now that you mention it, writing is a great idea." _So much has happened_ , he thought.

"Can I see?" Hyunjin asked shyly. Seungmin deliberated on it. _Fuck it_ , _I won't see him ever again after this._

"Yeah."

Hyunjin positioned himself in his lap and opened the journal.

"It's all about you anyways."

Hyunjin swallowed thickly.

"Really?"

"Mhn." Seungmin nodded. Hyunjin started reading.

_Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin_

_Hyunjin, who hugged me tenderly._   
_Hyunjin, who called me cute morning, day and night._   
_Hyunjin, who whispered softly_   
_"I'll never leave you behind"._

_Hyunjin, who slipped away slowly._   
_Hyunjin, whose words became dry._   
_Hyunjin, who stared at me adoringly._   
_Hyunjin, who left without saying goodbye._

"When did you write this?"

"Two years ago." Seungmin replied.

"It's all like this?"

Seungmin hummed affirmatively.

"And this one? When did you write it?" Hyunjin gestured to the newest entry.

_I wish that I could hate you, darling,_

_I hate myself because I'm unable to_

_If you came back, I wouldn't reject you,_

_I'll just hate myself for knowing_

_That I could never say no to you._

_You're all I need, Hyunjin._

"That one's from two weeks ago." Seungmin blushed. unaware there was a glint of hope pooling in Hyunjin's eyes.

"That's... Recent." Hyunjin commented. Seungmin nodded. "Do you mean it?"

"Maybe." He whispered. Hyunjin giggled.

"That's such an ambigious answer."

"And it's all you will get." Seungmin said, as if he hadn't just completely exposed the burdens of his soul.

"I can't read the rest." Hyunjin mumbled and threw the journal on the floor, next to them. _I might make a mistake, if I think you still love me_. He got a bit more comfortable in Seungmin's lap.

"You're going to sleep?"

"Maybe." Hyunjin whispered.

Seungmin pet his hair until Hyunjin's breathing was stable and calm. Only then, he managed to say the words that had been burning in the tip of his tongue for a while.

"Why, Jinnie? Why did you leave? I missed you too."

Hyunjin might or might have not heard him before he mumbled something that made Seungmin freeze.

"You broke my heart first, y'know?"

"How could I have broken your heart if you're the one who left me?" Seungmin reasoned, feeling Hyunjin clasping the fabric of his trousers.

"You hurt me while we were still together. You stopped loving me way before I left." Hyunjin said, joyless.

"Hyunjin. Look at me." Seungmin demanded. Hyunjin buried his face deeper into his lap. "Please."

"No." Seungmin felt a wet spot forming in the fabric of his pants, because of Hyunjin's tears. He grabbed his shoulders and put him up, until they were facing each other.

"I could never, ever stop loving you, Hyunjin." He squished his face in between his hands and, with his thumbs, wiped the wetness forming under Hyunjin's eyes. "Never." He reaffirmed, willing to repeat it until it entered his soulmates thick skull. Hyunjin just cried harder, holding Seungmin's palms between his and squeezing.

"I could tell you didn't want me around anymore." He sobbed. There was some snot sliding down Seungmin's hands but he stayed put, listening to Hyunjin spill all the things that had hurt him in the past, mistakes Seungmin would never repeat. "You didn't want to see me. You pushed me away." Hyunjin sobbed harder. "I know you had to study because medicine is hard but..." Seungmin frowned.

"I was busy, I never stopped caring for you." Seungmin assured him.

"You barely spent time with me anymore." Hyunjin pushed Seungmin's hands away and turned around. "You were busy, sure but you never tried to make some space for me in your schedule. I used to go over to your place, even when you were busy, and I'd make something for you to drink or eat so you would stay strong. I would visit you, even though I knew the only moment we would be together was when we slept, just so I could see you. But you told me not to visit you."

"I didn't want you to lose your time, I was too busy to spend time with you like you deserved." Seungmin said, frown deepening.

"It had been months since the last time we had a date! Or had sex! Or just watched a movie together." Hyunjin snapped. "Spending time with you was never losing time for me."

"But I wanted to be able to pay attention to you when we were together. It felt awful knowing you took care of me without me being able to return the favour! I just wanted to study in peace without being a burden to you!" Seungmin said and he felt like crying again. Hyunjin stared at him.

"I was busy too, y'know? Metheorology isn't easy either, Seungmin." Hyunjin said, anger seeping through his words. "But I made time for you, even if it was just a little. I made time for you because I love you and, when you love somebody, you wanna be with them. You want to see them, touch them and love them as much as you can." Hyunjin's hands turned into fists. "And you never did try for me, Seungmin."

"It was just for a few months." Seungmin whispered, remembering all those times he had cancelled dates because he had to study or that one Valentine's when they cancelled their plans and stayed home due to his finals.

"Just a few months?! It was a few months _every_ _few months_. And it hurt every single time." Hyunjin scoffed. "How can I believe you ever loved me if half the time of our relationship you were pushing me away?" He bit his lip angrily.

Seungmin understood. How he had wounded him, who he loved so deeply. How often he had done it, without realizing it. How broken Hyunjin looked, sitting next to him, hunched over as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had something much heavier, the sadness of years of being left down by someone you love.

"I spent the last two years," Seungmin started saying, with his eyes stuck in the window, as the snowflakes falling outside gave him some comfort. "Thinking you had left me without a reason. The only one for me, the one who got away." Seungmin glanced at Hyunjin. "I know now it was me who let you down first, the one who got away, even if I hadn't meant to." He squeezed Hyunjin's hand, it was cold. "I'm sorry, Hyunjin. I'm sorry I didn't show you how much I loved you. I'm sorry for not being the man you deserved." 

"It was a long time ago." Hyunjin said quietly, not brave enough to look at Seungmin's puppy eyes.

"Look at me." Seungmin pinched his side. "Please." He whispered in his ear. Hyunjin tingled all over. He looked at his ex and his eyes were still as pretty as his memory had told him, just as pretty as a few minutes ago and filled with such want that it made it hard to resist kissing him again. "Give me another chance. I promise to make it up to you. I'll love you for all those times when I neglected our relationship, for the last two years I have only seen you in pictures."

Hyunjin sighed, he could never win against Seungmin. He wrapped his hands around Seungmin's neck, caressing his nape. Close enough that their noses were grazing, he whispered:

"I'll give you another chance, only if you love me for all eternity. I don't want your love two run dry when the two years have come to an end." Hyunjin said. "Can you promise that?" He asked.

"I promise you, Hwang Hyunjin, the love of my life, that I will love you for all eternity," He kissed the corner of his lips. "Until we're old and wrinkled and you've grown tired of me." Hyunjin giggled.

"I could never grow tired of you. I love you too much." Hyunjin said and sighed. He run his fingers through Seungmin's face, tracing his features. The former sighed with contentment.

Seungmin stared at him once again and kissed him, now without a hurry. And that chaste, mellow kiss sealed their promise.

They knew that, this time around, neither would be left behind.

**Author's Note:**

> The song Seungmin sings is Heartaches by Al Bowlly, in case you were wondering


End file.
